Babylon Bee: Conan The Barbarian Apologizes For Misogynistic Comments After Viewing Gillette Commercial

CIMMERIA—Speaking in a message sent from the Hyborian Age, famed sword and sorcery hero Conan the Barbarian apologized to all women everywhere for his harsh treatment and objectification of women, as well as his harmful comments about hearing women’s lamentations.

The catalyst for Conan’s change of heart was reportedly a brief Gillette ad, which he viewed through a dark sorcerer’s portal before cutting the foul wizard’s head off.

“Many times I would grab women by the hair, tell them to shut up, and rescue them from pirates or enchanters without so much as asking their consent,” he said in a statement. “Now, thanks to Gillette, I see that my past behavior is not the best a man can be. It’s not the best a Cimmerian can be.”

“I vow to do better,” he said.

Once a fearsome barbarian who roamed the land in search of fame, fortune, and glory, Conan now hangs out at local taverns, where he lectures men who get too saucy with the waitstaff. “Actually, Ulrich, this serving wench is worthy of our respect and doesn’t deserve to hear your disparaging comments,” he said to a friend at a recent encounter before cutting his head off.

Conan also vowed to strive for better gender representation in his quests. Instead of venturing into sorcerer’s towers and dank dungeons by himself or with a companion who inevitably gets killed in the first room, the barbarian conquerer promised to raid dungeons with a party of at least 50% women.

Gillette spokesperson Howie Robert said the company was very pleased with Conan’s progress. “This is exactly what we knew would happen: men with the worst masculine instincts would check out a razor commercial and immediately change their ways. We totally didn’t do it for publicity or anything.” Conan quickly cut off Robert’s head.

Based on his new change of heart, Conan the Barbarian will be adapted into a new film, Conan the Sensitive, featuring Emily Blunt in the leading role instead of Jason Momoa.

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Diversity & gender awards Arab style

Definitely no imbalance here. From Michael Smith

Diversity & gender awards Arab style.

Reckon they’ve missed anything?

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Dubai Media Office

 

@DXBMediaOffice

 
 

. @HHShkMohd honors the winners of the Gender Balance Index 2018. The Index features three categories: Best Personality for Supporting Gender Balance, Best Federal Entity for Supporting Gender Balance, and the Best Initiative for Supporting Gender Balance.

 
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Washington Times: Another Kavanaugh accuser admits to fabricating rape story

People, especially women, never fabricate stories of rape for their own purposes.

From the Washingtom Times:

Another Kavanaugh accuser admits to fabricating rape story


One of Justice Kavanaugh’s accusers admits to lying

One of Justice Brett M. Kavanaugh’s accusers admitted this week that she made up her lurid tale of a backseat car rape, saying it “was a tactic” to try to derail the judge’s confirmation to the Supreme Court.

Sen. Charles E. Grassley, chairman of the Judiciary Committeerevealed the fraud in a letter to the FBI and Justice Department Friday, asking them to prosecute Judy Munro-Leighton for lying to and obstructing Congress.

Mr. Grassley said Ms. Munro-Leighton is a left-wing activist who hijacked another “Jane Doe” anonymous report about a backseat rape and claimed it as her own story, calling it a “vicious assault.”

“I am Jane Doe from Oceanside CA — Kavanaugh raped me,” Ms. Munro-Leighton wrote in an Oct. 3 email claiming to have been a victim of the judge.

Mr. Grassley’s investigators tried to reach her for a month but were unsuccessful until this week, when they spoke to her by phone and she confessed that she was not the original Jane Doe, and “did that as a way to grab attention.”

She admitted to the false allegation, and said she has actually never met Justice Kavanaugh.

“I was angry, and I sent it out,” she told investigators.

“In short, during the committee’s time-sensitive investigation of allegations against Judge Kavanaugh, Ms. Munro-Leighton submitted a fabricated allegation, which diverted committee resources,” Mr. Grassley wrote. “When questioned by Committee investigators she admitted it was false, a ‘ploy,’ and a ‘tactic.’ She was opposed to Judge Kavanaugh’s confirmation.”

President Trump seized on the report Saturday, calling her “a vicious accuser.”

“What about the others? Where are the Dems on this?” he demanded via Twitter.

Mr. Grassley has previously asked the FBI to probe Julie Swetnick and her lawyer, anti-Trump crusader Michael Avenatti, for lying to Congress and obstructing. Ms. Swetnick had originally claimed to have been the victim of gang rapes involving Justice Kavanaughduring high school parties, saying she saw him and a friend spike punch to leave girls unable to resist. She later changed her story to say she saw Justice Kavanaugh and his friend near a punch bowl, and could not identify them as having actually been part of any rape.

None of the witnesses she told NBC could corroborate her story were able to do so.

Indeed, NBC found one woman who despite a sworn statement backing up Ms. Swetnick, told the network Mr. Avenatti was twisting her words.

Justice Kavanaugh’s confirmation process was delayed while the committee investigated a number of sexual assault and harassment claims, none of which have been corroborated by any public evidence to date.

He vehemently denied all of the claims.

He was confirmed, though only one Democrat joined with all but one Republican in backing him.

Mario Murillo: If

IF

Posted on January 1, 2019 by mariomurilloministries

If only we could hear it! How obvious yet we missed it.  How amazing that it was right in front of us and we didn’t realize it! What do we need most at the beginning of 2019? What is it? What do we need to hear?

Here it is: If you could hear Jesus praying for you in the next room, you would not fear a million enemies! Imagine being able to hear Jesus praying for you? Here are the explosive facts about about Jesus praying for you.

He started praying for you the moment you got saved.  The world can’t enjoy the benefit of His prayers.  John 17: 9 says, “I pray for them. I do not pray for the world but for those whom You have given Me, for they are Yours.

He ill never stop praying for you.  Hebrews 7: 25 “Therefore He is also able to save to the uttermost those who come to God through Him, since He always lives to make intercession for them.”  At this moment He is lifting your situation before the Father and that prayer is unending.

He prayed that Satan would not touch you.  John 17: 15 I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one.

He prayed for you in advance of your greatest hour of testing, just as He did for Peter.  Luke 22:32 “But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.”

Here is the most important fact of Jesus praying for you: He says you are His.  Let’s take a closer look at what that means.  His love for you is not just tender it is fierce.

Consider the mama grizzly as she snuggles her cub.  She is the essence of love.  Now, try to come between her and her cub. The loving mom instantly becomes the most terrifying creature on earth.  She will stop at nothing to protect her cub. Both the tender moment and the terrifying one are expressions of the same love.

Here’s the thing…that instinct is from God.  The same Jesus who comforts you with unmatched tenderness turns His wrath on the evil one when you are threatened.  It would be breathtaking to see the difference in His intercession before the Father when you need comfort, and when you need to be rescued from Satan’s attack.

He will not let anything come between you and Him.  Paul said it this way: Romans 8:38 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Imagine what He is saying about you in prayer at this very moment! That is why I say: if you could hear Jesus praying for you in the next room, you would not fear a million enemies.  Faith will let you hear Him praying and every fear you have about 2019 will instantly evaporate.

Doctor Who: Never Fails To Disappoint

I just watched the “New Year Special” of Doctor Who. Like the rest of the season, it was a disappointment.

The plot had potential, I would give it that. But as we have come to expect, the story just fizzes out.

There are two things that science fiction is about:

  1. Awe at the vastness of the universe, the potential for huge threat and huge opportunities, all at a scale we can only imagine. It all has to be “scientifically” plausible and in some ways consistent with the laws of nature.
  2. Action. Lots of running and things exploding.

And for “Doctor Who” there has to be a sense of humour.

I think just about every episode of Doctor Who this year has failed in the “awe” department. the aliens have seemed mostly pretty poor imitations of people with a few extra physical powers. Most have also failed in the “Action” department also with far too much group therapy and way too little running.

The New Year special, called “Resolution” goes for a full hour, but would have done better in 30 minutes.

The story begins with a prologue about humans defeating a powerful for 700 years ago then cutting it into 3 parts and taking them to separate parts of the world and guarded in perpetuity to prevent it being revived. Unfortunately the guardian of the piece sent to Sheffield is killed and unable to bury his bit. So when archaeologists dig up the site, they manage to inadvertently revive the thing, which summons its other bits and ends up being a disembodied Dalek scout, which takes over the female archaeologist, and eventually the Doctor saves the day.

Great potential in that story, but…

  • The way the Dalek took over the body of the archaeologist was so predictable it was, well, a cliche.
  • The Dalek looked pretty pathetic after it rebuilt its shell. Sure it exterminated a few people, but nothing there to inspire terror.
  • Nobody watches Doctor Who to marvel at characters’ skills in counselling and family reconciliation. We didn’t need to see Ryan and his dad get together and resolve a life time of parental neglect.
  • The ending just didn’t make sense.

Other people have pointed out the leftist virtue signalling in various episodes. To my mind that is incidental. The real issue is the crap stories they have been dishing up. You can put up with a little bit of socialist identity politics as long as there is an awesome story being told.

For some reason that I don’t understand the current team can’t make a season every year, so we won’t see a new episode of Doctor Who until 2020. So it would be a very good thing if some executives from the BBC had a chat with Chris Chibnall, and possibly Jodie Whittaker, and said, “Look it’s not working. Goodbye.”