Battered but not beaten

It was the perfect storm.

I felt the pressure rising all week, like when I forget to take my blood pressure pills for a couple of days. This wasn’t my blood pressure rising but spiritual pressure. I could feel the enemy closing in. The taunting and lies were increasing in my mind as the week went on, and I would shake them off from time to time, rebuking satan at other times. But they were relentless, returning to hammer my conscience with accusation and threat.

I was reading Heidi Baker’s book “Birthing the Miraculous” this week, and I was so excited about what she writes about. With a free evening, no commitments and my family all away, there was space to find the Presence of the Lord.

This afternoon the pressure ramped up. I heard the Lord tell me that I would face an unprecedented battle with evil, but it was OK. Then I heard satan say, “You will fail tonight. You will not choose relationship with God.”

I said “Goodbye” to my family members as they headed off in different directions. I cooked some dinner. The evening lay before me. And that choice.

I knew that satan was right. I had stopped fighting, because the fighting was way too hard. I sat down at my computer and surfed the net. Instead of listening to the gentle wooing of Jesus, I gave in to the mind-numbing trivia of the world. Instead of the healing of the Father, I sought nothingness. Rather than victory in the Holy Spirit I allowed temptation to defeat me.

Late in the evening I finally came and laid myself at the feet of the Lord. I  surrendered to Him in the Secret Place. This is a part of what He said to me:

You faced a huge temptation tonight. Satan has increased pressure on you all week and you have stood firm. Tonight was the biggest challenge you have ever faced- satan attacked you without restraint. There will be another challenge, but this time you will focus on me and my love, and you will stand firm, you will overcome.

I have given you my Spirit. I have called you by name. Know this and rejoice in me.

Not long after this there was a beautiful shower of rain. I went outside to enjoy the  smell and the coolness and the cleansing. It seemed to be a gift from the Lord, a sign of His love for me.

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